with apologies to Goebel Reeves et al.

 

Go back to work, you weary grad student

Let the data accumulate

Can’t you hear the committee grumblin’

That’s the sign you’ll graduate

————

I know you’re lab coat’s torn and ragged

And your p-vals gone astray

Lift your pipet and smile at deadlines

You’ll find your post-doc one day

————

Now don’t you worry ’bout your cohort

Show support when they defend

And when they’re scramblin’ for a post-doc

At least you’ll have a ‘meh’ stipend

————

I know your PI cause you trouble

As PIs are wont to do

But when you get your robe and tassel

No one can tell you what to do

————

So back to work, you weary grad student

Who knows where our journey ends

I hope you know what really matters:

The special colleagues you call frien—

Sorry, IMPACT FACTORS. Impact factors are what really matter.